09 May Passing Judgment, and Other Fun Topics to Discuss with Family

It has been a while since my last post, I wish I was able to keep up posting better. I am almost finished with the semester and hopefully this summer I will be able to do a bunch of blogs as I will not be taking summer classes. This semester has been pretty rough, 10 credit hours to go along with working full time and 2 kids. The credits may not sound like a lot, but because it is split between 4 classes (Bio and Chem each with labs) it made for a rather difficult schedule. Luckily my employer was willing to let me work around it. But this meant coming in at 630 am and working until 5 Monday through Friday going to class in between on most days. Then I hear a story about a guy going back to school at 35 with 3 kids, working 2 jobs, and took 65 credit hours in a year in order to apply to med school. Then I realize what I am doing isn’t THAT hard. I am fairly confident I can pull an A in chemistry but I think a B in Biology is more realistic. There goes my 4.0 only 2 semesters in. Oh well, enough about school. My wife is still being awesome and staying home raising our two children while I am gone more than I would like (Shout out). They are both growing really fast. Anyway, on to the blog.

Growing Fast

Claire and Gabriel-Growing Fast

Recently I have had some issues with a few family members. One was quickly resolved, and the other remains to be seen. I have realized that sometimes it is better to just let things go unless you feel very strongly about something. Even then, pick your words carefully and make sure you are in a good place when you say them. In my case it was written (email and of course Facebook) and I was responding to what I felt was unfair criticism of my wife in both cases. I felt strongly enough about each that I wanted to stand up for her and respond. In one case it was probably just best I not saying anything (since it was to my mother in law, yes I should have known better), or at least said it in a less accusatory way. In the other situation however, I am still confused over my family member’s reaction. I am not quite sure why they said the things they said, but maybe we both took things out of context.
So what is the point with all this “dirty laundry” I am airing. I use that term loosely as this hardly constitutes even mildly soiled laundry in most families. My point with these examples is that we can’t pretend to know what the other person is going through at the time and why they said what they said when they said it. Sometimes there is no excuse for what someone says, other times maybe they were having a bad day. We shouldn’t rush to judgment. Even in the cases where you feel someone else is clearly in the wrong, maybe there is information you are not aware of (most likely there is). Maybe my other family member already was upset with me about something I have no idea about from months back, and then when I said something on Facebook that was it. Who knows?? I for one am trying my best not to jump to conclusions, and when I don’t understand someone’s actions I just tell my wife “We don’t know what’s going on, I’m sure there is something we are not aware of”. It’s probably a lot better than assuming someone’s reasons for why they are doing things. Do your best not to hold grudges, accept apologies and move on, life’s too short.
The famous Jump to Conclusions mat from Office Space

The famous Jump to Conclusions mat from Office Space

 

Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.

 

Message to Claire: This one should be obvious. As with a lot of my messages this may seem redundant, but that just means it’s important. Everyone judges, it’s human nature, it’s a flaw in our design. Or at least a flaw in our thinking. We can’t help ourselves, we must know why people do things, and if we can’t find out we will come up with our own reasons. I met someone once very briefly and came away from that meeting thinking they were rude and wondering why anyone would want to be around them. They had not made the best first impression on me. However, upon subsequent meetings they were always pleasant and nice to be around. This is similar to the “Hollywood effect”. Let me explain. Famous actors, actresses,  musicians, athletes, etc are expected to be on their best behavior at all times.  Why? Because if they are not and they meet a fan and are rude to them, it could be on YouTube, Reddit, Facebook , twitter, etc and then everyone says how much of a jerk they are to their fans. As if they don’t face getting stopped 100 times a day by random people on the street. I know what you might be thinking, boo-hoo they make millions of dollars. Well guess what, it’s been proven that money does not buy happiness. And rich people are entitled to be in bad moods. So unless all you ever hear are negative stories about someone (Russell Crowe? Maybe he was just in bad moods 684 times in a row), then probably take them with a grain of salt. I’m not just talking about Hollywood people. Give all people the benefit of the doubt. See for yourself, and even if they make a bad first impression give them a second chance. Although I will say three strikes and you’re out may need to be applied.

 

My wife insist I add this picture, and of course I wanted everyone to see me wearing a teething necklace.

My wife insisted I add this picture, and of course I wanted everyone to see me wearing a teething necklace.